Bloom Before You Wither.

There comes a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud is more painful than the risk it takes to blossom.

You Can’t Fall In Love WIth Inconsistencies.

appear inside.

It’s so odd how we found ourselves being comfortable in a state of unconsciousness. In this false identity of ones self. I find myself remaining in this constant state of fear because it’s all i’ve known for quite some time. When I look at it, I have absolutely nothing to worry about which shocks me so I create the worst state and fake situations for myself. I hit my fed up point.I know what I deserve and who I am. I finally feel like who I always knew I was going to be and I’m worrying it away, but not any longer. I’ve come in touch with my conscious mind and am starting to work on getting myself back to me. It’s not going to happen over night but it’s going to happen. Also why is it that i am so fucking happy with someone i freak out and divert all my happiness into fears. That’s kind of sick, no wait it is. That’s stopping too!! Life is ebb and flow, they both need to be embraced for what they are, when good is good it should be welcomed with open arms. I’m welcoming it. The world is to beautiful to contaminate my inner space with, it’s not fair to me or anyone around me. It’s okay for me, Courtney to be happy.

Honey and the Moon

Don’t know why I’m still afraid
If you weren’t real I would make you up
now
I wish that I could follow through
I know that your love is true
and deep
as the sea
but right now
everything you want is wrong,
and right now
all your dreams are waking up,
and right now
I wish I could follow you
to the shores
of freedom,
where no one lives.

Remember when we first met
and everything was still a bet
in love’s game
you would call; I’d call you back
and then I’d leave
a message
on your answering
machine

But right now
everything is turning blue,
and right now
the sun is trying to kill the moon,
and right now
I wish I could follow you
to the shores
of freedom,
where no one lives

Freedom
run away tonight
freedom, freedom
run away
run away tonight

We’re made out of blood and rust
looking for someone to trust
without 
a fight
I think that you came too soon
you’re the honey and the moon
that lights
up my night


But right now
everything you want is wrong,
and right now
all your dreams are waking up,
and right now
I wish that I could follow you
to the shores
of freedom
where no one lives

freedom
run away tonight
freedom freedom
run away
run away tonight

we got too much time to kill
like pigeons on my windowsill
we hang around

ever since I’ve been with you
you hold me up
all the time I’m falling down

But right now
everything is turning blue,
and right now
the sun is trying to kill the moon,
and right now
i wish i could follow you
to the shores
of freedom
where no one lives

freedom
run away tonight
freedom freedom
run away
run away tonight

all my past and futures

There is nothing to fear and nothing to doubt 
There is nothing to fear and nothing to doubt 

filled.

I’m growing up. It’s hard when youth and adulthood are constantly battling each other for one to dominate my being. It’s hard , i need to stop these childish worries and fears and accept all that is good. I’ve deserved this why am I the only one who thinks I don’t. I’m so beautifully lost, I’m exploring but with these constant fears that have held me down so long, it’s getting hard. I can’t do this anymore. I sat on the beach drinking wine with someone i’m utterly twitterpated with, like butterflies and all, it’s real and were so mutually into each other. I like him.

I need to like me though.

I’m starting too though

i’m

fucking happy, like yeeeeah.

i want

To live.

To love myself

To know i deserve the best.

To stop running away from all thats good.

To blossom.

To stop worrying without reason.

To live in the now.

To be happy and just simply let myself be.

To be strong, i am.

To listen to myself.

To appreciate what i have.

To go be the best me i can be.

I’m not doing this to myself anymore, i know my heart i know my mind i’m sick of tricking myself that i don’t.

I’m back.

I’m awake.

With love

you never lose, you learn.

Grow, grow.

I find myself everyday because i can not go through the day if i loose me. If you love yourself everything else will fall into place. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion of you so let them have it but do not dare let it affect the you, you love. If i’ve learned one thing you must must must get up faster than you fall. Spread smiles,everyday,everywhere to everyone. And when something comes to the “so this is the end” Its the beginning you should say though unsure of what. Laugh without reason, pleasing your soul and lengthening your life. Our eyes were ment to see every color in this beautiful world so take time to watch it enhance itself day by day. Make it all worthwhile, please.